Your “money story” grows out of more than just your past experiences. It comes from events and people who are most dominant in your life, plus particularly traumatic or repetitive events. A traumatic event such as the sudden death of a parent can instantly reshape your family’s money story, which ultimately becomes yours. But so can small, repetitive happenings, like water dripping on stone and, over time, wearing a channel or groove into the stone. 

There’s almost a parallel with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). Everyone knows that a catastrophe such as being caught in a devastating earthquake can cause lasting PTSD in survivors—particularly if one sees others die: But what many people don’t know is that people can develop PTSD that is just as deep, just as serious, over small negative events that go on for years, thanks to the repetitive, cumulative effect. It’s like one of those old vinyl records, where the needle wears a deep groove in one particular spot, so that the tune always skips and repeats, skips and repeats, over and over again … every time.

It’s like children cutting across your corner-lot lawn on their way to school. Pretty soon, they’ve worn a deep ribbon of bare earth on this oft-repeated pathway, where no grass grows—it’s trampled down before it barely breaks ground. That’s the power of repeated patterns. And that’s all your money story is: A pattern, deeply grooved in your subconscious as well as your conscious mind.

Experts agree that you can also “inherit” PTSD. Children of PTSD victims often develop “secondary PTSD”, from always living on high alert, never knowing what is going to trigger the afflicted parent: From watching that parent treat even small everyday things in life as life-threatening and fearful. Just as you can inherit secondary PTSD, you can also literally inherit money stories. You’re picking up “secondary money stories” from parents and other significant adults in your life.

Two of the most typical money stories …

1 - The Doomed Story:

With this hard-luck Sis, you’ll typically hear statements like:

• “I never win anything”
• “I think there’s a curse on this family, when it comes to money.”
• “Comes in, goes out. I can never hold onto money”.

Often, others are blamed. (“My husband’s hopeless with money. He spends his paycheck before he pays the bills” … “I had to give Brian my last eighty dollars”.) And yes—there’s a whole, disempowered “victim” mindset that goes along with this particular money story. It’s a way of saying “it’s not my fault”, because one feels powerless to change the money story—and guilty that one feels powerless.

Let’s look at another common type …

2 - The Evil Money story:

Often a problem for those of us with religious backgrounds. 

• “Money is the root of all evil.”
• “You should be grateful if you just have enough to eat.”
• “Money is meant to be given away”

The idea here is that money itself is evil. If you take a close look at that oft-misquoted verse (1_Timothy 6:10) it actually says: “The love of money is the root of all evil”, and in context, goes on to talk about those who think only of pleasure and self-gratification, chasing after it to the exclusion of all else. Unfortunately, people have become so afraid of materialism, they often go the other way, and create money stories that don’t allow them to provide for their families’ basic needs—and think this, a virtue! But we have to use a little common sense here.

The truth is money can create the freedom to give; the freedom to help … when help is most needed. Instead of giving out of guilt, it is much more effective when we are able to give out of empowerment; to renew the well so that the more we give, the more we receive. That’s what creating a strong, positive financial story allows us to do.

It doesn’t really matter which type of negative money stories yours is. If it leaves you feeling financially fearful and disempowered, it is a money story you need to change.